“Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life’’.
– Samuel Ullman
Teenage years (also called as adolescence) are a very important phase of life that every child goes through. It is not less than a transformation where from the child takes initial steps of progression towards adulthood. All major changes occur during this very phase. Girls and boys face different set of challenges during this phase. It is a period of intense growth spurt, where many changes occur physically as well as emotionally.
All teenagers vary in their maturity; some may mature faster while some may take a longer time. Girls usually mature faster that boys, which is a common notion based on the physiological growth cycle. In girls puberty usually begins at the age of 10-11 years and ends at 16-17 years while in boys it generally starts at the age of 12-13 to end at 16-17 years.
Along with the physical changes, the social and emotional behaviour of a child also undergoes massive change during this phase. An entirely different personality and identity shift takes place and there are a lot of changes seen as regards to the way a child behaves and interacts with his parents, relatives, friends and peers. The shift seen at this age is also influenced by several factors like the genetic make-up, customs and culture, surrounding environment, experiences with people around and parent-child relationship to name a few. Physical, emotional and social changes helps the teen establish and form an identity unique to himself. This identity that each one develops makes each teenager a unique adult of tomorrow.
Let us understand this with an example. A 13 year old girl was brought to me for homoeopathic consultation at the other song clinic. She presented with abdominal pain, headache and had lost about 8 kgs of weight in the past year. She said that the pain made her anxious and that headache would worsen when she was asked to do something against her will or forcibly. She wanted to pursue law and then later, MBA but her parents wished for her to take science. The latter would make her parents happy but she wouldn’t be happy. Due to her immense closeness to parents, she gets affected if her parents are not happy. She was unable to voice her choices due to this conflict. A suitable homoeopathic remedy was given to her. Additionally the parents and the patient were offered counseling. The child was asked to communicate her problems to the parents and the parents were asked to give more space to their child. It not only helped her gain more confidence but she was also able to effectively communicate with her parents. The parents were very happy to see their child come close to them.
The teen years bring a handful of challenges both for the parent and child. Many adolescents usually feel they are not understood by people around especially parents which often makes them angry, misbehave and may lead to depression, frequent mood swings and anxiety. They may feel confused and alone while facing complex situations which require decisions in relation to academics or personal life. Parents usually get angry many-a-times feeling that their child who followed authority once upon a time is not doing so now as a result of which they may impose restrictions and pressure upon their child.
Parenting is a journey with its ups and downs. The key is to enjoy yourself as parents, be what the word actually defines, ‘take care of’. A parent should be a mentor and a guide and should know when to step back as well as to step in for the sake of your child. We should simply not do the hearsays in this process or give the child a taste of the same upbringing that we have been subjected to. Every situation is different and so is every child, even no twins can be alike. So, do not impose your decisions on the child. Listen, hear and watch where his / her happiness lies. Suggest, express your concerns and your wish to see him / her really happy. Be responsible to help them find their true happiness. Give them the time and make them feel loved and wanted and on a lighter note switch off your WhatsApp when you are around them!
It is an irony that as parents we want our kids to be happy, but we seek their happiness which makes us happy, makes them sad, and in turn makes us sadder. The solution lies as a parent to understand their kid and becoming a ground where a seed can germinate and grow as a tree, yielding fruits to himself and society. The key to successful journey of parenting lies in the understanding that this journey is not only about the growth of one’s child into a better and a mature individual but also a parent’s journey of growing with them. As a recent parent, I often feel nervous whether I will be able to do justice to this huge responsibility before me, but when I look at my tiny bundle of joy all that comes to my heart is ‘I too want to grow up with her and enjoy every moment along the way’.
As they say ‘It is not the destination, but the journey that makes a difference!’
Dr. Rishi Vyas, M.D. (Hom)
In–house Consultant, the other song
References
1. the other song clinic newsletter, October- December 2015
Dr. Rishi Vyas has been assisting Dr Rajan Sankaran in the charitable O.P.D. at Mumbadevi Homoeopathic Hospital, Mumbai since 2004, and also has his private practice since 2005. He is a member of Wednesdays with Rajan team, an online course for students and practitioners of Homoeopathy. He presented cases on Acutes and Fever at Beacon Foundation, Mumbai. He also had an opportunity to share his experience on case taking at Gulabrao H.M.C, Miraj and at Pachchigar Homoeopathic Medical College, Surat.
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